Top 50 hilarious quotes by President Robert Mugabe

Africa’s oldest leader, Robert Mugabe was born in 1924
and assumed the office of
president in 1987 – more than
three decades ago.

He has been often criticized
over allegations of corruption
and crackdown on human
rights, with right groups
warning against his continuous
violation of human rights.
Besides being arguably the
oldest serving African president, President Robert
Mugabe is famous for his witty
and sometime
unconventionally sarcastic
quotes.

1. Dear ladies, if your boyfriend
didn’t wish you a happy
Mother’s Day or sing Sweet
Mother for you, you should
stop breastfeeding him.

2. If you are ugly, you are ugly.
Stop talking about inner beauty
because men don’t walk
around with X-rays to see
inner beauty.

3. If you have attended over
100 weddings in your life and
are still single, you are not
different from a canopy.

4. Any man who successfully
convinces a monkey that
honey is sweeter than banana,
is capable of selling condoms
to a Roman father

5. Whenever things seem to
start going well in your life, the
Devil comes along and gives
you a ‘girlfriend’.

6. Dear sisters, don’t be
deceived by a man who texts
you “I miss you” only when
it’s raining, because you are
not an umbrella.

7. If over 15 guys have sucked
your breasts, you don’t need to
call those things “your
breasts”. It’s called COW BELL,
OUR MILK! Repeat after me,
OUR MILK!

8. It’s hard to bewitch African
girls these days. Every time
you take a piece from her hair
to the witch doctor, either a
Brazilian innocent woman gets
mad or a factory in China
catches fire.

9. All I hear always is, ‘No sex
before marriage?’ If that was
God’s plan, then you would
receive your penis or vagina
on your wedding day.

10. Men sucking lady’s breast
is normal because the act was
learnt in childhood when they
were young but the act of
lady’s sucking men’s d*ck is
what baffles me. Where did
they learn it from?

11. Dating a slim/slender guy
is cool. The problem is when
you are lying on his chest then
his ribs draw Adidas lines on
your face.

12. Respect pregnant women
because it’s not easy walking
around with evidence that
you’ve had sex.

13. Some of the girls of today
can’t even jog for five minutes
but they expect a guy to last in
bed with you for two hours?
Your level of selfishness
demands a one-week crusade.

14. I stopped trusting ladies
when my class three girlfriend
left me for another boy all
because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.

15. Nothing makes a woman
more confused than being in a
relationship with a “broke” man
who’s extremely good in bed.

16. Witchcraft is when a 24-
year-old girl who cannot jog
for five minutes expects a 40-
year-old man to last for one
hour in bed.

17. Being dumped by a dark-
skinned girl is the worst thing
ever, because anytime you get
home and see charcoal, you
become emotional.

18. Women with beauty and no
brains, it is your private parts
that will suffer the most.

19. Sometimes you look back
at girls you spent money on
rather than send it to your
mum and you realise witchcraft
is real.

20. If you are a married man
and you find yourself attracted
to schoolgirls, just buy your
wife a school uniform.

21. Treat every part of your
towel nicely because the part
that wipes your buttocks today
will wipe your face tomorrow.
22. We are living in a
generation where people “in
love” are free to touch each
others’ private parts but cannot
touch each others’ phones
because they’re “private”.
23. My dear ladies, please
don’t buy a selfie stick when
your armpit itself needs a
shaving stick.
24. It’s better for a man to be
stingy with his money because
he hustled for it than a woman
to deny you a hole she didn’t
drill.
25. Sometimes you look back
at girls you spent money on
rather than send it to your
mum & you realise witchcraft
is real

26. If President Barack Obama
wants me to allow marriage for
same-sex couples in my
country (Zimbabwe), he must
come here so that I marry him
first.

27. Even Satan wasn’t gay; he
approached naked Eve instead
of naked Adam. Say no to
same-sex marriage.

28. Archbishop Tutu said Read Also: Robert Mugabe: ‘I
Can Knock You Down With My
Fist To Prove I’m Still Here’
Robert Mugabe Quotes On Gay
marriage: it is
nice to be gay, yet he has a
wife, he should have begun by
getting himself a man for a
woman… When you are a
bishop and cannot interpret the
Bible, you should resign and
give it to those who can. We
will not compromise our
tradition and tolerate
homosexuality. We need
continuity in our race, and that
comes from the woman, and
no to homosexuality. John and
John, no; Maria and Maria, no…
I keep pigs and the male pig
knows the female one.”

29. If you take men and lock
them in a house for five years
and tell them to come up with
two children and they fail to do
that, then we will chop off their
heads.

30. I am still the Hitler of the
time. This Hitler has only one
objective: justice for his
people, sovereignty for his
people, recognition of the
independence of his people
and their rights over their
resources. If that is Hitler, then
let me be Hitler tenfold. Ten
times, that is what we stand
for.” – March 2003

31. I have died many times. I
have actually beaten Jesus
Christ because he only died
once.

32. A brave man is he who has
a running stomach and still
wants to flatulate.
Robert Mugabe Quotes On
Alcohol Indulgence

33. Cigarette is a pinch of
tobacco rolled in a piece of
paper with fire on one end and
a fool on the other end.

34. Don’t drink at all, don’t
smoke, you must exercise and
eat vegetables and fruit
Robert Mugabe Quote On
Gender Equality

35. It’s not possible that
women can be at par with men
Robert Mugabe Quotes On
colonialism and Prolonged
leadership

36. “Was it not enough
punishment and suffering in
history that we were uprooted
and made helpless slaves not
only in new colonial outposts
but also domestically” –
Undated.

37. When one’s goat gets
missing, the aroma of a
neighbour’s soup gets
suspicious.

38. South Africans will kick
down a statue of a dead white
man but won’t even attempt to
slap a live one. Yet they can
stone to death a black man
simply because he’s a
foreigner.

39. Mr Bush, Mr Blair and now
Mr Brown’s sense of human
rights precludes our people’s
right to their God-given
resources, which in their view
must be controlled by their
kith and kin. I am termed
dictator because I have
rejected this supremacist view
and frustrated the
neocolonialists.

40. Journalist: Sir, don’t you
think 89 years would be a
great time to retire as a
President?
But, Mugabe is above 89 years now
45. Interviewer: Mr President,
when are you bidding the
people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?

46. What is the problem? We
now have aeroplanes which
can take them back quicker
than the ships used by their
ancestors.

47. He who swallows a
complete coconut has absolute
trust in his anus.

48. The only warning Africans
take serious is LOW BATTERY.

49. The only white man you
can trust is a dead white man.

50. We don’t mind having
sanctions banning us from
Europe. We are not Europeans.